So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
