so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
