Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
