just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
