The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
