I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
