I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
