If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
