this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
