I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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