omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
