i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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