He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
