Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
