I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
