Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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