I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All the doctor said was why
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
