I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
