So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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