Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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