Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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