Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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