I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
