I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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