where am i from again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
