Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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