I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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