I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
