My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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