mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
