God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize