You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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