there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
