Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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