apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
