Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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