just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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