Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
