So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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