I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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