i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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