i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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