I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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