can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
