How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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