Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
