Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
