I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
