I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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