Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
