Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
