after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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