She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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