the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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