I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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