i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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