I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
is that a dick in a sweater?
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