why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
