new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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