I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
