I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
