The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
