My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
