You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
