she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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