tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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